My Mom - Part 2

(Continuation of the story of my mom passing away from cancer and my grief process. Read Part 1 first. Sorry this is a little long. Its hard to choose what to share and what not to share.)

Praying with mom on Christmas day, '08

Jesus told her, "I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die. Do you believe this?" (John 11:25-26).

…After a good month but a bad week, my dad called me in the middle of the night telling me to come to the hospital. You don't go to the hospital at 4am with a 2 year old unless its bad news...

A nurse stopped us at the front desk before we went to mom's room. She told us what to expect. That mom had took a turn for the worse and the doctor expected her to have only a few hours. I didn't care. I knew that was why we were there. I just wanted her to stop talking so I could get to her room and say goodbye before it was too late. We got there. Her breathing was shallow. She told me she loved me and that I would be ok. I said I knew I would be because I knew where she was going, to heaven. And that I would one day see her again. She said goodbye to Jay and to her beautiful granddaughter.

My younger brother and sister-in-law got there a few minutes later. They said their goodbyes. My aunts, uncles, cousins and close family friends trickled through over the next few hours. But the person we worried about the most was my older brother and his family. They had to drive 7 hours from Saskatchewan. We really didn't think mom was going to make it. She was barely breathing. She was sleeping a lot. Whenever she woke she would ask if Jeremy was there yet then go back to sleep.

Jeremy arrived in the afternoon. Oh my goodness! The joy I felt when Jeremy walked into that room! Mom didn't just wake up. She livened up! Jeremy, Jimmie-Lou and their 2 boys said their goodbyes. They prayed with her. And she was like a new woman! She began to breath better, stay awake longer and started to chew ice chips. The doctor had predicted she was going to pass away in a few hours. It ended up being 3 full days!

I am very thankful for those 3 days. I left her side only 1 time, on the second day, to have a quick shower. The first day, after Jeremy arrived, mom slowly began to revive. The first night I slept on a 2 foot wide window sill. On the second day, mom woke us up with a joke. She was a little more like her old self. She talked with her visitors, she chuckled, she asked the doctors questions about what had happened the night before to cause such a drastic turn in her condition. Even the doctors said she was doing much better and there was a slight chance she could pull through. On the 2nd night I slept on a cot in the room. On the 3rd day mom began to decline again.

On the 3rd night, Jeremy, dad and I settled in. Mom stirred every 2-3 hours when she needed more drugs but that was it. It was a rough night for me. I couldn't sleep and at one point I actually went to the bathroom to puke. Earlier, Jimmie had started praying and singing worship songs with mom every time she needed drugs. Mom told us that this really helped her to stay calm and asked us to make sure we did it when Jimmie wasn't there. I was a little hesitant to do it because I felt awkward and didn't really know what to pray or sing. That night, I would barely start to pray and mom would fall asleep and I would stop right away. Around 5:30am mom stirred and was given what ended up being her last dose of drugs. As she quieted back down, I felt the presence of God strong and clear. His presence was so clear to me that I could not help but speak His name and sing praises to Him. I prayed one single word, "Jesus". And I sang the worship song I Stand in Awe of You.

I finally fell asleep on the cot at the foot of mom's bed. About 2 hours later Jeremy woke me up and said he thought this was it. I heard mom barely breathing and I ran out to get dad (who was sleeping in the next room) and the nurse. I hurried back in to hear mom breathe her last breath just as the sun began to rise.

.....

I believe that because of Jesus my mom is now in heaven. Because I believe this, I have hope. I have hope that one day I will see my mom again. Because of this hope I can also look back and appreciate some moments of joy through the midst of those 3 days. I remember how strong and brave my mom was. I remember how glad she was to hear the news that one of my Uncles had decided to trust in Jesus. I remember how many visitors came and feeling all the love from family and friends. I remember quietly playing worship music and how peaceful those 3 days were... They were sad days but they were also peaceful... I remember my mom waking us up on the 2nd day with a smile and a joke. I remember being by my mom's side and her trusting me to be her voice to communicate her questions, concerns and needs to the doctors. And I remember mom telling me and my brothers that my grandma's old roll top desk is to be passed on to me - and don't you two forget it! ;)

One of my most favorite memories is from the 2nd night. Jimmie and I stayed that night and we were up late talking. We were wrapping it up and Jimmie prayed a good night prayer. When she finished we hear mom say "amen". We didn't know she had woken up. We looked up to see mom looking at us with the clearest, brightest eyes and the biggest smile. Her eyes had lost that slightly dull, drugged out look. She was totally alert and said "I'm awake you know. I heard that prayer". She asked us what we were doing. We joked and told her we were having a slumber party. She smiled and chuckled and told us she was fine, didn't need anything and to get back to our slumber party and went back to sleep… That was such a precious moment for Jimmie and I. We both felt like God had given us a gift. A gift of one last look at our beautiful, wise, loving and joyful mom. I will never forget her smile from that night.

Another precious memory is from mom's 3rd and last night. Between me, my dad, my brothers, sister-in-laws, my husband and the kids, we weren't all in the room together at the same time very often. On this night we all happened to be there at the same time. When we realized we were all there we had all the kids come in and say one last goodbye. Then we decided to take the opportunity to pray together. We circled around mom's bed, held hands and prayed. I think it gave mom a lot of peace, to know that as a family we were still together and would trust in God even without her there to guide and encourage us. I think that maybe it was the last bit of peace she needed to let go and move on to her home in heaven.

To end Part 2 of this story, I would like to share with you a song by Chris Tomlin that is about looking forward to heaven. I do, very much, look forward to worshiping God in heaven, one day, beside my mom.

...Part 3 will be about my grief process...